The Captain's ACTION Policies

PART 2:

• Learn how to use obscure objects as deadly weapons. This would include, but not be limited to, iceberg lettuce heads, digital music players, legal sized paper, cubical wall sections and used motor oil.
  
• Always... no, no... never... forget to check your references.
• Don't e-mail when you can HE-mail (or SHE-mail for the ladies)
  
• If someone asks you how your day is going, respond by squinting your eyes and breathing heavily out your nose. Clinch your fists.
  
• Getting a tattoo? Well, then get a tattoo of you getting a tattoo. HELL YEAH!
  
• Moustache wax is NOT for pussies. Monocles are.
• Keep giving your friends new nicknames. Never use the same nickname twice.
• Going to the beach? Keep calling it The Bitch and tell everyone you're going to walk all over it.
• Need some spontaneous ACTION? Punch a priest.
• Everyone loves guns. E V E R Y O N E.