The Captain's ACTION Policies

PART 1:

• When driving, always chirp the tires between gears, take turns way too fast and, whenever possible, drive with your head leaning way outside the window.
  
• If you have to take a shit in a public restroom, push like you are trying to blow out your colon. This will intimidate anyone in the stalls next to you.
• Don't be a dick when you can be a COCK!
• If you're going to drink booze at home, drink it out of a saucepan or a bucket instead of a nice normal glass.
  
• Bored? Don't worry. Just find a 25' section of hose, secure it to the railing of a balcony or stairwell, hold on to it, and JUMP.
  
• When in doubt, bleed it out. HELL YEAH!